CURVING PEOPLE AT RAVES AND FESTIVALS

Now that we have spent some time talking about finding you rave bae and hooking up with ENTHUSIASTIC CONSENTING PARTNER, I figured it was time to talk a little bit about how to curve someone at an event. Curving people at events or just, in general, is sometimes a necessary evil but that doesn’t mean we can’t all get a little bit better at it. When everyone is out looking for their ‘rave bae’ or (hopefully not) trying to find someone to go home with, there are bound to be a couple of people that will approach you, that you would rather just leave you alone. Since we are heading towards Valentine's day and Crush events all over, I figured it might be fun to talk about the best way to ward off unwanted attention at raves, which can be kind of difficult. Now, this isn’t so much of a guide as it is some personal experiences and observations that I hope might be helpful to some of you, who may not have had anyone tell you that it was okay to say, ‘screw being polite,” when it comes to warding off unwanted attention, but I hope that it helps you out.

There are few things as annoying as finding a perfect spot in the crowd, somewhere where you aren’t being suffocated and have room to dance, maybe with a good view of the stage, only to have your space invaded by someone trying to chat you up, or even worse touch you without permission. I don’t know what it is about seeing scantily clad women trying to live their best lives that provokes some people to touch them without their consent, but it is something friends of mine have experience at events and something I have experienced myself. So, I know that a lot of people struggle to be harsh in situations like this, but at least in my own experience, I have found that the easiest way to stop unwanted attention is to BE HARSH. Yeah, I know for a lot of people, especially a lot of young women, it can feel a little weird to be aggressive in rejecting people, especially if you grew up in an environment where you were always told to ‘be nice’ even if you felt uncomfortable. It took me a long time to stop being ‘nice’ and start being decisive. What it finally took was a guy coming up behind me and literally grabbing me without my consent. I was so mad that I shoved him off me and told him to ‘fucking stop.’ He backed right off, which is something that hadn’t happened the first time when I had tried to ‘very politely’ make it known that I had no interest in being danced on. I think the most important thing to remember is that at the end of the day it is more important that you feel, safe and comfortable then that you be nice to someone who has crossed a line. There are always going to be jerks (of any sex) that will prey on the fact that you have been told by society that you should be ‘nice.’ Like I keep saying it is essential that you are willing to push back if someone is doing something you don’t like.

Another thing if you don’t want to shove people is to walk away and remove yourself from the situation. Yeah, it sucks to have to give up your spot and vanish off into the crowd, but if you are a little bit more on the non-confrontational side of things, this is probably going to be the best option. Again, I don’t think you should ever have to physically remove yourself from a situation or place, but sometimes this is the best option. If you believe that the person bothering you may continue to escalate if you push back, then, by all means, do what makes you feel the most comfortable.

If someone is incredibly aggressive, then that is what security is there for. Now, I hope and doubt that in most cases is will ever get so bad that you can’t curve someone with a ‘hey, please stop,” but if it does and they are being belligerent then it is essential to make sure that you and everyone else at the event are going to be safe. Events have security for a reason, and you should never feel uncomfortable or bad about approaching them and letting them know if someone is acting out of control. We need to acknowledge that at festivals there is a lot of substance use, and where there is substance use there can also be substance abuse. Some people are bad, aggressive drunks or may have adverse reactions to other substances that make them more aggressive. I’m not saying it is everyone, but there is always the potential for someone to take things to far when they are under the influence. If you are at an event, it is super important to inform security if someone is aggressive and you think there is a potential for them to harm someone else.

So, at the end of the day, the most important thing is that you do what makes you most comfortable. I personally like the push back, but whether you want to vanish, or be polite and hope they get bored and go away, safety always needs to be your priority. Don’t let being nice or not wanting to rock the boat stop you from keeping yourself and others safe. If someone is aggressive, you should go to security. You may think you are overreacting, but there is nothing more dangerous than an aggressive, predatory person wandering around when there are lots of other people under the influence of alcohol or any other substances that might make them more vulnerable. We need to take care of one another, and sometimes that means stepping out of our comfort zone.